1 00:00:01,130 --> 00:00:03,530 Though U.S. Weather 2 00:00:01,130 --> 00:00:03,530 Bureau officials advise... 3 00:00:03,700 --> 00:00:05,500 ...that the hurricane's course 4 00:00:03,700 --> 00:00:05,500 could change... 5 00:00:05,670 --> 00:00:08,730 ...they have revised their estimates 6 00:00:05,670 --> 00:00:08,730 down to a 30-percent chance... 7 00:00:08,900 --> 00:00:12,640 ...of the storm encountering landfall 8 00:00:08,900 --> 00:00:12,640 anywhere in the New York area. 9 00:00:12,810 --> 00:00:15,370 To repeat, authorities now believe 10 00:00:12,810 --> 00:00:15,370 that New York City... 11 00:00:15,540 --> 00:00:20,210 ...will be spared of full force 12 00:00:15,540 --> 00:00:20,210 and effect of Hurricane Mel. 13 00:00:23,550 --> 00:00:28,290 Ah, the truth, Your Honor. 14 00:00:23,550 --> 00:00:28,290 You rooting for humanity or the storm? 15 00:00:28,460 --> 00:00:29,950 Come on, Flo, get serious. 16 00:00:30,130 --> 00:00:35,220 That's a devastating hurricane out there. 17 00:00:30,130 --> 00:00:35,220 It's got 150-mile-an-hour winds. 18 00:00:35,730 --> 00:00:40,690 Bet your Manilow never even had 19 00:00:35,730 --> 00:00:40,690 a stiff gust named after him. 20 00:00:43,140 --> 00:00:44,660 All right. 21 00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:46,540 That's enough. 22 00:00:48,110 --> 00:00:52,100 I have had enough of you 23 00:00:48,110 --> 00:00:52,100 trashing Barry Manilow! 24 00:00:53,650 --> 00:00:55,170 I beg your pardon, Miss Sullivan? 25 00:00:55,350 --> 00:00:58,510 I said, get off Barry's case. 26 00:00:58,690 --> 00:01:01,560 In my opinion, he happens to be 27 00:00:58,690 --> 00:01:01,560 one of the finest musicians... 28 00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:03,190 ...of the past few decades. 29 00:01:04,630 --> 00:01:08,720 Mac, you better call a doctor. 30 00:01:04,630 --> 00:01:08,720 This girl is burning up with fever. 31 00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:10,460 I feel perfectly fine. 32 00:01:10,630 --> 00:01:15,300 The man is a great songwriter, 33 00:01:10,630 --> 00:01:15,300 a talented singer and a fine performer. 34 00:01:15,470 --> 00:01:16,730 - Is that so? 35 00:01:15,470 --> 00:01:16,730 - That's so. 36 00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,200 - Says who? 37 00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,200 - Says me. 38 00:01:18,370 --> 00:01:23,940 Aha! Well, it may very well be, 39 00:01:18,370 --> 00:01:23,940 but you can't deny that he is.... 40 00:01:24,110 --> 00:01:25,310 He's what? 41 00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:26,970 He's... 42 00:01:27,150 --> 00:01:29,240 ...modern. 43 00:01:30,190 --> 00:01:34,120 Oh, God, let's shoot the poor sot. 44 00:01:34,290 --> 00:01:37,380 Well, Mel Tormé must not have thought 45 00:01:34,290 --> 00:01:37,380 he was too bad... 46 00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:40,050 ...if he cut an album with him. 47 00:01:44,900 --> 00:01:49,130 That is a desperately sick lie. 48 00:01:50,070 --> 00:01:53,170 That is the truth. 49 00:01:57,450 --> 00:01:59,350 - Mac, say it ain't so. 50 00:01:57,450 --> 00:01:59,350 - It's so. 51 00:01:59,510 --> 00:02:02,420 Oh, no. 52 00:01:59,510 --> 00:02:02,420 - There, there, sir. 53 00:02:03,150 --> 00:02:04,310 What happened? 54 00:02:04,490 --> 00:02:08,860 Oh, Harry's crushed that Manilow and 55 00:02:04,490 --> 00:02:08,860 Tormé did an album together. 56 00:02:09,690 --> 00:02:13,090 I felt the same way 57 00:02:09,690 --> 00:02:13,090 when Alvin and the Chipmunks broke up. 58 00:02:15,330 --> 00:02:20,500 Why don't you just let that thing go condo 59 00:02:15,330 --> 00:02:20,500 and get it over with? 60 00:02:22,140 --> 00:02:23,160 Hi, everybody. 61 00:02:23,340 --> 00:02:24,360 - Hey, Art. 62 00:02:23,340 --> 00:02:24,360 Hey, Art. 63 00:02:24,540 --> 00:02:26,030 No. 64 00:02:27,910 --> 00:02:29,670 There's nothing to be ashamed of, son. 65 00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:32,820 Sometimes thunder still frightens me 66 00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:32,820 a little bit too. 67 00:02:33,450 --> 00:02:36,110 - Art, go play with your blowtorch. 68 00:02:33,450 --> 00:02:36,110 - Yeah, I plan to, sir. 69 00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:38,690 I gotta secure the signal tower 70 00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:38,690 up on the roof. 71 00:02:38,850 --> 00:02:41,790 We got some wind gusts 72 00:02:38,850 --> 00:02:41,790 up around 80 miles an hour now. 73 00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:43,720 Eighty miles an hour? 74 00:02:43,890 --> 00:02:45,660 Yeah, I'd say that's about right. 75 00:02:53,070 --> 00:02:55,300 Twenty bucks a pair. 76 00:03:00,340 --> 00:03:04,400 Guaranteed not to ride up. 77 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:54,590 All rise. 78 00:03:56,500 --> 00:04:01,160 Criminal court part two is now in session, 79 00:03:56,500 --> 00:04:01,160 the Honorable Harold T. Stone presiding. 80 00:04:01,340 --> 00:04:05,300 You may be seated, 81 00:04:01,340 --> 00:04:05,300 women and children first. 82 00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:09,170 I found those lifejackets 83 00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:09,170 down in the basement. 84 00:04:09,340 --> 00:04:12,680 I figured they might come in handy 85 00:04:09,340 --> 00:04:12,680 just in case it starts to flood. 86 00:04:12,850 --> 00:04:14,980 Art, we're on the 18th floor. 87 00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:18,440 And? 88 00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:21,390 You preventative nut, you. 89 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:24,460 Get out of here. 90 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:24,460 Go see if you can find a life raft. 91 00:04:24,630 --> 00:04:26,530 Yes, sir. 92 00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:28,360 And you wonder 93 00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:28,360 why animals eat their young. 94 00:04:28,530 --> 00:04:29,550 Yeah, ha, ha. 95 00:04:32,700 --> 00:04:36,900 Uh, sir, I wonder if canceling the session 96 00:04:32,700 --> 00:04:36,900 might be something to consider. 97 00:04:37,070 --> 00:04:39,940 I heard they just, uh, canceled 98 00:04:37,070 --> 00:04:39,940 all the flights out of Kennedy. 99 00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:42,200 Mel shut down the airport? 100 00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:47,240 Guess they have to wait 101 00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:47,240 until the velvet fog lifts, eh, sir? 102 00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:49,050 - The velvet fog. 103 00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:49,050 Ha, ha. 104 00:04:49,220 --> 00:04:51,850 That's very funny, Mac. 105 00:04:49,220 --> 00:04:51,850 That is very funny. 106 00:04:52,020 --> 00:04:54,620 Just a little suck-up humor, sir. 107 00:04:59,060 --> 00:05:00,820 You know, my mother used to tell me... 108 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:04,800 ...that thunder was just the sound God 109 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:04,800 makes when he gets a strike in bowling. 110 00:05:04,970 --> 00:05:06,200 That's cute. 111 00:05:06,370 --> 00:05:09,340 What happened when you found out? 112 00:05:10,070 --> 00:05:12,060 When I found out what? 113 00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:17,080 Gosh, he's good. 114 00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:19,840 He's got his own ball. 115 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,480 What's first, Mac? 116 00:05:21,650 --> 00:05:24,480 A return visit from some old friends, sir. 117 00:05:24,650 --> 00:05:25,880 - Oh, yeah? 118 00:05:24,650 --> 00:05:25,880 Mm-hm. 119 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:29,960 Hello, it's us. 120 00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:33,290 Bob and June Wheeler, as I live 121 00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:33,290 and breathe, how the heck are you? 122 00:05:33,460 --> 00:05:34,930 Couldn't be better, sir. 123 00:05:35,100 --> 00:05:38,760 It's always a pleasure 124 00:05:35,100 --> 00:05:38,760 to be hauled up before you. 125 00:05:38,930 --> 00:05:43,130 And as usual, 126 00:05:38,930 --> 00:05:43,130 the accommodations were lovely. 127 00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:48,970 And why you don't charge 128 00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:48,970 for that strip search I'll never know. 129 00:05:51,610 --> 00:05:54,010 Hello, Mr. Fielding. 130 00:05:54,180 --> 00:05:56,550 What a beautiful suit. 131 00:05:56,720 --> 00:05:59,450 The secret is not sleeping in it. 132 00:06:00,590 --> 00:06:02,250 Dan. 133 00:06:02,420 --> 00:06:04,890 Good to see you again, Miss Sullivan. 134 00:06:05,060 --> 00:06:06,930 You're looking as beautiful as ever. 135 00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:09,160 Oh, why, thank you, Mrs. Wheeler. 136 00:06:09,330 --> 00:06:13,860 If it weren't for all the nursing, 137 00:06:09,330 --> 00:06:13,860 I'd have breasts like that too. 138 00:06:18,740 --> 00:06:22,300 Well, now that we've gotten 139 00:06:18,740 --> 00:06:22,300 all the pleasantries out of the way... 140 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:26,010 ...what are you folks doing here? 141 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:26,010 I thought you went home to West Virginia. 142 00:06:26,180 --> 00:06:30,880 Sir, we're not from West Virginia. 143 00:06:31,050 --> 00:06:33,610 - You're not? 144 00:06:31,050 --> 00:06:33,610 - No, sir. 145 00:06:33,790 --> 00:06:36,050 We perjured ourselves. 146 00:06:36,220 --> 00:06:38,750 And we lied too. 147 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:41,560 Why did you pick West Virginia? 148 00:06:42,030 --> 00:06:43,050 I don't know. 149 00:06:43,230 --> 00:06:48,170 It was just the first exotic place 150 00:06:43,230 --> 00:06:48,170 that popped into my head. 151 00:06:49,070 --> 00:06:51,370 Well, then, where are you from? 152 00:06:51,540 --> 00:06:54,010 Isn't the accent obvious? 153 00:06:54,180 --> 00:06:55,580 You mean you're from...? 154 00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:58,880 Yugoslavia. 155 00:07:00,980 --> 00:07:06,250 Hey, this is a fascinating story, 156 00:07:00,980 --> 00:07:06,250 really, and I mean that... 157 00:07:08,290 --> 00:07:11,020 ...but in the interest of time, 158 00:07:08,290 --> 00:07:11,020 what the hell is the case? 159 00:07:11,190 --> 00:07:14,990 Your Honor, the Wheelers were arrested 160 00:07:11,190 --> 00:07:14,990 for selling food without a license. 161 00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:19,460 We had no idea you needed a license 162 00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:19,460 to sell food, Your Honor. 163 00:07:19,630 --> 00:07:23,260 It's not that way in Sarajevo. 164 00:07:24,270 --> 00:07:26,040 No, I'll bet it's not. 165 00:07:26,210 --> 00:07:31,310 We sold all our earthly possessions 166 00:07:26,210 --> 00:07:31,310 just to start this business, Your Honor. 167 00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:35,010 The pickup truck, all the livestock. 168 00:07:35,180 --> 00:07:38,750 Granny even wanted us 169 00:07:35,180 --> 00:07:38,750 to sell her wheelchair... 170 00:07:38,920 --> 00:07:40,680 ...but Bob wouldn't hear of it. 171 00:07:40,860 --> 00:07:44,490 Well, it isn't really a wheelchair. 172 00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:47,690 - It isn't? 173 00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:47,690 - No, sir. 174 00:07:47,860 --> 00:07:52,270 We strapped her Barcalounger 175 00:07:47,860 --> 00:07:52,270 to a furniture dolly. 176 00:07:54,740 --> 00:07:58,140 Stop the world, I wanna get off. 177 00:07:58,670 --> 00:08:00,270 Okay, let me get this straight. 178 00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:04,310 You sold everything that you own 179 00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:04,310 in the world, except the Barcalounger... 180 00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:06,380 ...and you went and bought a restaurant. 181 00:08:06,550 --> 00:08:09,420 No, sir. A hot-dog cart. 182 00:08:09,580 --> 00:08:12,850 You sold everything you own 183 00:08:09,580 --> 00:08:12,850 for a hot-dog cart? 184 00:08:13,020 --> 00:08:14,280 Yes. 185 00:08:14,460 --> 00:08:18,090 It was a dream come true. 186 00:08:18,260 --> 00:08:22,460 However, our good fortune 187 00:08:18,260 --> 00:08:22,460 soon took a turn for the worse. 188 00:08:22,630 --> 00:08:24,390 Here it comes. 189 00:08:24,900 --> 00:08:28,170 As the officer was arresting us, 190 00:08:24,900 --> 00:08:28,170 the storm hit-- 191 00:08:28,340 --> 00:08:32,830 And a really large wind came, 192 00:08:28,340 --> 00:08:32,830 you had that big umbrella up and it-- 193 00:08:33,010 --> 00:08:36,600 Scooped up our weenie wagon, 194 00:08:33,010 --> 00:08:36,600 yes, sir. 195 00:08:38,350 --> 00:08:43,440 Up, up, up it went. 196 00:08:43,620 --> 00:08:50,620 Until it was nothing more than a 197 00:08:43,620 --> 00:08:50,620 teeny-weeny, tiny, little dot in the sky. 198 00:08:51,130 --> 00:08:53,560 And then it was gone. 199 00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:58,230 Well, thank God no one was hurt. 200 00:08:58,400 --> 00:08:59,460 Yeah. 201 00:08:59,630 --> 00:09:02,330 Everything turned out fine with Granny too. 202 00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:04,270 - Oh, the one in the wheelchair? 203 00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:04,270 Mm. 204 00:09:04,670 --> 00:09:06,070 What was she doing? 205 00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:08,470 Oh, about 80, 85. 206 00:09:13,310 --> 00:09:14,580 Oh.... 207 00:09:15,550 --> 00:09:20,320 Your Honor, 208 00:09:15,550 --> 00:09:20,320 due to the pathetic circumstances... 209 00:09:20,490 --> 00:09:24,080 ...I, uh, ask that this case be dropped 210 00:09:20,490 --> 00:09:24,080 due to lack of evidence. 211 00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:26,330 Prosecution? 212 00:09:26,490 --> 00:09:29,590 Let's just hang them, 213 00:09:26,490 --> 00:09:29,590 put them out of their misery, sir. 214 00:09:30,470 --> 00:09:33,200 Okay then, case dismissed. 215 00:09:36,170 --> 00:09:37,200 Art. 216 00:09:37,370 --> 00:09:42,110 Art, Art, Art. 217 00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:44,670 You talking to me? 218 00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:47,350 Art, what is that thing? 219 00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:50,040 I had to get some lumber 220 00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:50,040 to board up these windows... 221 00:09:50,220 --> 00:09:54,920 ...so I took down the basketball net 222 00:09:50,220 --> 00:09:54,920 from the maintenance garage. 223 00:09:55,620 --> 00:10:01,260 Art, we are in the middle 224 00:09:55,620 --> 00:10:01,260 of a session here. 225 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:04,520 Well, hey, I'm sorry. 226 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:04,520 It was an emergency. 227 00:10:04,700 --> 00:10:07,530 Jeez, you guys act like I committed a sin. 228 00:10:08,500 --> 00:10:09,660 What emergency? 229 00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:13,500 The hurricane changed direction again. 230 00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:13,500 It's coming straight through Manhattan. 231 00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:17,640 Mel is coming? 232 00:10:17,810 --> 00:10:20,150 He is on his way. 233 00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:21,720 Subways have been knocked out. 234 00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:24,680 We're one of the few buildings 235 00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:24,680 that still has full power. 236 00:10:24,850 --> 00:10:28,120 And the Civil Defense authorities 237 00:10:24,850 --> 00:10:28,120 want everyone to stay where they are. 238 00:10:28,290 --> 00:10:30,450 You mean we're trapped here? 239 00:10:28,290 --> 00:10:30,450 - Yeah. 240 00:10:31,690 --> 00:10:35,290 I have to spend the night 241 00:10:31,690 --> 00:10:35,290 with Art of Nazareth? 242 00:10:39,030 --> 00:10:41,940 And those amazing Dobermans? 243 00:10:43,740 --> 00:10:45,710 Don't worry, Mr. Fielding. 244 00:10:45,870 --> 00:10:49,240 Like my Uncle Tito used to say: 245 00:10:49,410 --> 00:10:54,110 "It's always darkest 246 00:10:49,410 --> 00:10:54,110 just before the dawn." 247 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:58,710 Burned out his retinas 248 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:58,710 staring into an eclipse. 249 00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:09,550 Hey, hey, hold it down! 250 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:14,000 Now, I have been assured by the authorities 251 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:14,000 that extra food is on the way. 252 00:11:14,170 --> 00:11:17,970 Now, we will get through this, people, 253 00:11:14,170 --> 00:11:17,970 if we just cooperate with each other... 254 00:11:18,140 --> 00:11:21,910 ...and show a little kindness 255 00:11:18,140 --> 00:11:21,910 for our fellow human beings, all right? 256 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:25,880 Now, what was my last bid 257 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:25,880 for the gummi bears? 258 00:11:28,850 --> 00:11:31,580 Look, Quon Le, look, 259 00:11:28,850 --> 00:11:31,580 don't worry about the restaurant. 260 00:11:31,750 --> 00:11:34,350 You just take care of yourself. 261 00:11:35,660 --> 00:11:38,060 The stove went where? 262 00:11:39,290 --> 00:11:40,490 Mac, what's wrong? 263 00:11:41,930 --> 00:11:45,530 My appliances are leaving. 264 00:11:47,070 --> 00:11:49,200 - Trouble at your restaurant? 265 00:11:47,070 --> 00:11:49,200 - Place is flooded. 266 00:11:49,370 --> 00:11:51,640 Tables and chairs 267 00:11:49,370 --> 00:11:51,640 were washed out the front door. 268 00:11:51,810 --> 00:11:53,270 My brand-new grill is floating up... 269 00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:54,570 - ...Broadway somewhere. 270 00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:54,570 - Hmm. 271 00:11:54,740 --> 00:11:57,340 Hey, cheer up, big guy. 272 00:11:57,510 --> 00:11:58,980 Things could be worse. 273 00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:02,880 I know. 274 00:12:03,050 --> 00:12:04,850 I need help. 275 00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:10,420 Uh, mind if I stick this under your table? 276 00:12:11,490 --> 00:12:13,650 A box of rats? 277 00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:17,550 Yeah. I found them floating 278 00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:17,550 in a hubcap on the roof. 279 00:12:18,970 --> 00:12:21,270 I named the big one Dan. 280 00:12:23,870 --> 00:12:27,710 Bull, we all know 281 00:12:23,870 --> 00:12:27,710 how you feel about animals, but rats? 282 00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:31,340 - They're cute. 283 00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:31,340 - Ugh. 284 00:12:31,510 --> 00:12:33,110 Cute? 285 00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:36,270 They're the most repulsive, 286 00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:36,270 disease-ridden vermin... 287 00:12:36,450 --> 00:12:38,220 ...on the face of the planet. 288 00:12:38,390 --> 00:12:41,910 In the 14th century, 289 00:12:38,390 --> 00:12:41,910 they were responsible for the Black Plague. 290 00:12:42,090 --> 00:12:44,860 They killed two-thirds of the population 291 00:12:42,090 --> 00:12:44,860 of Western Europe. 292 00:12:45,030 --> 00:12:47,430 Twenty-five million people 293 00:12:45,030 --> 00:12:47,430 burning up with fever... 294 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:51,090 ...and finally perishing in horrible agony. 295 00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:55,630 Hello. 296 00:12:57,370 --> 00:12:59,970 Please. Please, I beg you. 297 00:13:00,140 --> 00:13:02,610 This is the only memento 298 00:13:00,140 --> 00:13:02,610 we have left of our business. 299 00:13:02,780 --> 00:13:07,580 I'm warning you, keep your hands 300 00:13:02,780 --> 00:13:07,580 off my husband's wiener. 301 00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:11,690 All right, let's settle down, people! 302 00:13:11,850 --> 00:13:13,320 Let's settle down! 303 00:13:14,990 --> 00:13:16,860 - Art? 304 00:13:14,990 --> 00:13:16,860 - Yo! 305 00:13:17,260 --> 00:13:20,750 Could we stop the persecution 306 00:13:17,260 --> 00:13:20,750 for a second? 307 00:13:20,930 --> 00:13:22,120 Hey, sure thing. 308 00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:26,060 We all know that we're 309 00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:26,060 in a middle of a difficult situation... 310 00:13:26,230 --> 00:13:29,300 ...but there is really no point 311 00:13:26,230 --> 00:13:29,300 in letting it get the better of us. 312 00:13:29,470 --> 00:13:33,410 The information that I've received tells me 313 00:13:29,470 --> 00:13:33,410 that we're here for a couple of hours. 314 00:13:33,570 --> 00:13:37,070 So rather than squandering that time 315 00:13:33,570 --> 00:13:37,070 and allowing the anxiety to build... 316 00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:41,180 ...I've decided we're just gonna go ahead 317 00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:41,180 with the normal proceedings of this court. 318 00:13:41,350 --> 00:13:42,440 Are there any questions? 319 00:13:43,450 --> 00:13:44,750 You, sir. 320 00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:46,250 What weighs more... 321 00:13:46,420 --> 00:13:50,880 ...the Chrysler Building 322 00:13:46,420 --> 00:13:50,880 or the ancient pyramid of Cheops? 323 00:13:51,860 --> 00:13:53,380 The Chrysler Building. 324 00:13:53,560 --> 00:13:55,190 Any others? 325 00:13:56,460 --> 00:13:58,520 - All right, Mac, call the first case. 326 00:13:56,460 --> 00:13:58,520 - Yes, sir. 327 00:13:58,700 --> 00:14:03,000 Uh, people v. all occupants 328 00:13:58,700 --> 00:14:03,000 of 692 West 23rd Street. 329 00:14:13,610 --> 00:14:16,350 This does not scare me. 330 00:14:16,950 --> 00:14:20,390 Uh, they're charged 331 00:14:16,950 --> 00:14:20,390 with a Section 17 violation. 332 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:23,250 That's pornography. 333 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:23,250 I caught them in the act. 334 00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:25,220 Of what? 335 00:14:25,390 --> 00:14:26,880 Well... 336 00:14:27,060 --> 00:14:28,460 ...pornicating. 337 00:14:28,630 --> 00:14:32,290 Hey, watch your language 338 00:14:28,630 --> 00:14:32,290 in front of my wife, you mealy little wimp. 339 00:14:32,470 --> 00:14:34,330 Stanley, don't. 340 00:14:34,500 --> 00:14:36,940 Yeah, Stanley, don't. 341 00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:41,300 He was just kidding, Your Honor. 342 00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:41,300 It's his dry sense of humor he's got. 343 00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:43,470 He's lucky I didn't tear his heart out. 344 00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:44,670 See? 345 00:14:48,180 --> 00:14:51,550 Noel Coward is back and we've got him. 346 00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:54,150 Your Honor, according to this report, 347 00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:54,150 Officer Timmy-- 348 00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:56,050 - Tommy. 349 00:14:56,220 --> 00:14:58,280 --was passing by the residence 350 00:14:56,220 --> 00:14:58,280 in question... 351 00:14:58,460 --> 00:15:01,990 ...when some moaning and groaning 352 00:14:58,460 --> 00:15:01,990 from an open window caught his attention. 353 00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:03,430 He entered the apartment... 354 00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:07,000 ...whereupon he found the defendants 355 00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:07,000 writhing on the floor... 356 00:15:07,170 --> 00:15:09,260 ...and watching a pornographic film. 357 00:15:18,710 --> 00:15:22,550 Um, excuse me, excuse me, Your Honor. 358 00:15:18,710 --> 00:15:22,550 I think I can straighten this all out. 359 00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:25,450 I'm Chad Ulin of the Rhode Island Ulins. 360 00:15:25,620 --> 00:15:27,710 Oh, yeah, love your state. 361 00:15:28,490 --> 00:15:32,050 Yes, and this is my significant other, 362 00:15:28,490 --> 00:15:32,050 Babs Townsend. 363 00:15:32,230 --> 00:15:34,220 Uh, just so you know... 364 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:39,130 ...Chad and I feel that motherhood 365 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:39,130 will in no way interfere with my career... 366 00:15:39,300 --> 00:15:42,240 ...and that having a child 367 00:15:39,300 --> 00:15:42,240 will only enhance our experience... 368 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:45,700 ...as live-in lovers and friends. 369 00:15:46,610 --> 00:15:49,040 You both drive Volvos, don't you? 370 00:15:53,780 --> 00:15:56,480 Anyway, Your Honor, 371 00:15:53,780 --> 00:15:56,480 the film that Officer Connors saw... 372 00:15:56,650 --> 00:16:01,280 ...was the last in a series of visual aids 373 00:15:56,650 --> 00:16:01,280 on the Lamaze method of natural childbirth. 374 00:16:01,460 --> 00:16:05,050 We were watching the final stages 375 00:16:01,460 --> 00:16:05,050 of rhythmic labor. 376 00:16:05,230 --> 00:16:10,260 Oh, I haven't felt that deeply moved 377 00:16:05,230 --> 00:16:10,260 since I saw the lobster scene in Annie Hall. 378 00:16:10,430 --> 00:16:12,130 Mm. 379 00:16:13,070 --> 00:16:18,300 Babs and, uh, Chad, 380 00:16:13,070 --> 00:16:18,300 if those are indeed your real names... 381 00:16:18,470 --> 00:16:22,430 ...what you're telling me, then, 382 00:16:18,470 --> 00:16:22,430 is this is all part of a childbirth class. 383 00:16:22,610 --> 00:16:25,580 But I saw it right there on the screen. 384 00:16:22,610 --> 00:16:25,580 It was bigger than life. 385 00:16:26,710 --> 00:16:27,940 What was it you saw? 386 00:16:39,590 --> 00:16:42,260 I'm telling your mother. 387 00:16:42,860 --> 00:16:44,530 This is asinine. 388 00:16:44,700 --> 00:16:46,730 - And you are? 389 00:16:44,700 --> 00:16:46,730 - Benet Collins. 390 00:16:47,170 --> 00:16:49,300 And before you ask, no, 391 00:16:47,170 --> 00:16:49,300 I don't have a husband. 392 00:16:49,540 --> 00:16:52,530 And I'm quite capable of raising a child 393 00:16:49,540 --> 00:16:52,530 on my own, thank you. 394 00:16:52,710 --> 00:16:56,240 And I don't need a man to feed me, 395 00:16:52,710 --> 00:16:56,240 and I don't need a man to clothe me. 396 00:16:56,410 --> 00:16:59,070 And the part that I did need a man for 397 00:16:56,410 --> 00:16:59,070 was unsatisfying... 398 00:16:59,250 --> 00:17:01,510 ...and over and done with 399 00:16:59,250 --> 00:17:01,510 nine months ago. 400 00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:04,150 - Yeah. 401 00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:04,150 - Great. 402 00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:06,880 Let's settle down, people! Settle down. 403 00:17:07,050 --> 00:17:08,720 If we-- 404 00:17:13,830 --> 00:17:15,730 - Chad? 405 00:17:13,830 --> 00:17:15,730 - Oh, don't mind me, Your Honor. 406 00:17:15,900 --> 00:17:19,990 I've keeping a visual record 407 00:17:15,900 --> 00:17:19,990 of the entire prenatal experience. 408 00:17:20,170 --> 00:17:22,140 You ready? Action. 409 00:17:23,340 --> 00:17:26,640 You ever take a shower in prison, Chad? 410 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:30,100 And that's a wrap. 411 00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:33,380 I told you all this natural childbirth stuff 412 00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:33,380 was weird. 413 00:17:33,550 --> 00:17:36,020 Oh, Stanley, it isn't weird. 414 00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:39,550 If being drugged unconscious 415 00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:39,550 was good enough for my mother... 416 00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:42,380 ...it would have been 417 00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:42,380 good enough for you. 418 00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:45,120 - Stanley. 419 00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:45,120 - I'm gonna have a boy. 420 00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:50,130 - Is that a fact? 421 00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:50,130 - Yeah, the doctor already told us. 422 00:17:50,300 --> 00:17:53,860 Look, see, the doctor 423 00:17:50,300 --> 00:17:53,860 took one of those ultrasound pictures... 424 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:55,230 ...right through her gut. 425 00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:58,500 Oh, look at that. 426 00:17:58,670 --> 00:18:02,340 Yeah, some protoplasm and a spleen. 427 00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:06,340 See, you can make out his head 428 00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:06,340 and his feet. 429 00:18:06,510 --> 00:18:09,110 - And right there's his little-- 430 00:18:06,510 --> 00:18:09,110 - Stanley. 431 00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:11,150 Sorry, sweetie. 432 00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:12,480 Not too shabby, huh? 433 00:18:15,690 --> 00:18:18,850 Well, I think I understand all this. 434 00:18:31,540 --> 00:18:34,030 I didn't mean that literally. 435 00:18:34,910 --> 00:18:36,740 Your Honor, 436 00:18:34,910 --> 00:18:36,740 uh, in view of the testimony-- 437 00:18:39,850 --> 00:18:44,010 In view of the testimony... 438 00:18:44,190 --> 00:18:46,590 ...the state 439 00:18:44,190 --> 00:18:46,590 recommends we drop all charges. 440 00:18:46,750 --> 00:18:49,720 - And the defense accepts, Your Honor. 441 00:18:46,750 --> 00:18:49,720 - Motion granted. 442 00:18:52,360 --> 00:18:54,990 You're free, Mister.... 443 00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:57,190 - Señor.... 444 00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:57,190 - Uh, Chacone. 445 00:18:57,370 --> 00:19:02,030 Señor Chacone, you are free like the bird. 446 00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:11,210 Does anybody here speak Spanish? 447 00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:20,020 Mr. and Mrs. Wheeler. 448 00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:25,090 I'm Guatemalan on my mother's side. 449 00:19:26,330 --> 00:19:31,030 Bob here just picked it up 450 00:19:26,330 --> 00:19:31,030 on his sabbatical in Madrid. 451 00:19:32,330 --> 00:19:35,200 Miss Sullivan, would you mind 452 00:19:32,330 --> 00:19:35,200 taking the Chacones over to--? 453 00:19:35,370 --> 00:19:38,460 Ma and Pa Berlitz? Yes, sir. 454 00:19:40,570 --> 00:19:43,270 What's with the maternity mob? 455 00:19:43,980 --> 00:19:45,470 Where you been, anyway? 456 00:19:45,650 --> 00:19:47,950 Down in the basement looking for food. 457 00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:50,380 - Did you find any? 458 00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:50,380 - No. 459 00:19:50,550 --> 00:19:54,180 But I think I solved 460 00:19:50,550 --> 00:19:54,180 the Jimmy Hoffa case. 461 00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:01,960 Your Honor, I'm sorry about the foul up. 462 00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:01,960 I haven't been on the force very long. 463 00:20:02,630 --> 00:20:04,290 - No. 464 00:20:02,630 --> 00:20:04,290 - Yeah, it's true. 465 00:20:04,470 --> 00:20:08,270 In fact, a week from today, 466 00:20:04,470 --> 00:20:08,270 it'll be a week. 467 00:20:08,670 --> 00:20:11,940 If there's any way that this 468 00:20:08,670 --> 00:20:11,940 won't be mentioned to my superiors-- 469 00:20:12,110 --> 00:20:15,470 I'll tell you what, officer. 470 00:20:12,110 --> 00:20:15,470 We'll make it our little secret, huh? 471 00:20:16,780 --> 00:20:18,250 And Mom? 472 00:20:20,310 --> 00:20:22,750 Well, of course Mom. 473 00:20:26,050 --> 00:20:27,320 What's next, Mac? 474 00:20:29,060 --> 00:20:31,420 Oh, 475 00:20:29,060 --> 00:20:31,420 I believe a little panic and mayhem. 476 00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:37,420 Told you. 477 00:20:37,970 --> 00:20:40,960 Why don't you, uh, use my chair? 478 00:20:37,970 --> 00:20:40,960 You might be more comfortable. 479 00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:44,400 I'm perfectly fine, 480 00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:44,400 so you can kill the chivalry routine. 481 00:20:45,140 --> 00:20:48,970 My, aren't we 482 00:20:45,140 --> 00:20:48,970 a witsy-bitsy bitchy this evening. 483 00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:52,440 Leave me alone. 484 00:20:52,610 --> 00:20:54,510 I was merely trying to help. 485 00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:58,020 I don't need any help 486 00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:58,020 and I don't need any pity. 487 00:20:58,190 --> 00:20:59,920 And I certainly don't need you. 488 00:21:00,090 --> 00:21:01,680 I'll just be here in the corner... 489 00:21:01,860 --> 00:21:04,330 ...beating myself to death 490 00:21:01,860 --> 00:21:04,330 with the Boy Scout manual. 491 00:21:04,490 --> 00:21:08,090 Oh, let me know if you need any help. 492 00:21:09,460 --> 00:21:13,730 Yeah, well, I hope it's a boy 493 00:21:09,460 --> 00:21:13,730 and he grows up to be just like me. 494 00:21:15,540 --> 00:21:17,940 Mac, I'm gonna check my office 495 00:21:15,540 --> 00:21:17,940 for supplies. 496 00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:21,770 I think there's some candles 497 00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:21,770 under the bench near the rubber vomit. 498 00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:24,780 I'll find them. 499 00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:38,820 It's not what you think. 500 00:21:39,590 --> 00:21:44,660 Bull, you cannot turn this building 501 00:21:39,590 --> 00:21:44,660 into an animal refuge. 502 00:21:45,530 --> 00:21:47,370 It's what you think. 503 00:21:50,470 --> 00:21:52,600 Oh, what the hell was that? 504 00:21:54,810 --> 00:21:57,010 Labor pains. 505 00:21:57,780 --> 00:21:59,270 I knew it, I knew it, I knew it. 506 00:21:59,450 --> 00:22:02,640 We got the tension and anxiety of the court, 507 00:21:59,450 --> 00:22:02,640 the trauma of the storm. 508 00:22:02,820 --> 00:22:05,010 - Which woman is it? 509 00:22:02,820 --> 00:22:05,010 - All of them. 510 00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:07,740 All of them? 511 00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:10,480 Uh-huh, Mrs. Chacone started with her 512 00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:10,480 contractions... 513 00:22:10,660 --> 00:22:13,650 ...and the other three 514 00:22:10,660 --> 00:22:13,650 went like dominoes. 515 00:22:13,830 --> 00:22:15,660 I think you'd better get in there, sir. 516 00:22:17,300 --> 00:22:20,530 I don't know nothing 517 00:22:17,300 --> 00:22:20,530 about birthing no babies. 518 00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:25,200 Well, frankly, sir, I don't give a damn. 519 00:22:27,110 --> 00:22:28,770 - My problem? 520 00:22:27,110 --> 00:22:28,770 - Uh-huh. 521 00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:34,140 It's not what you think. 522 00:22:36,120 --> 00:22:39,350 Dear Lord, I hope not. 523 00:22:43,820 --> 00:22:45,920 Chad. 524 00:22:46,090 --> 00:22:47,150 Help me! 525 00:22:47,330 --> 00:22:50,730 I'm trying, sweetheart. 526 00:22:47,330 --> 00:22:50,730 The autofocus is stuck. 527 00:22:51,270 --> 00:22:52,390 Oh, no. 528 00:22:52,570 --> 00:22:54,260 Somebody call a doctor! 529 00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:58,240 No can do, sir. 530 00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:58,240 The telephone poles took off for Jersey. 531 00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:02,740 We really gotta deliver these babies 532 00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:02,740 ourselves? 533 00:23:08,150 --> 00:23:10,080 Just asking.